The Beginning of the Year vs The End of the Year

Thursday I ended my 14th year in education.  As I stood on the sidewalk that morning for my morning duty watching the students walk (well, run until I told them to walk) in I thought how different the beginning of the school year is verses the end of the school year.

The beginning of the school year is filled with such hope and newness and fresh beginnings.  It's a new year in a new grade with new students or a new teacher.  The posters we stuck on our the walls are straight and untorn.  Our markers all have caps that match the color of the actual pen.  The pencils are sharp and have full erasers.  The colors are sharp and clean.   The glue bottles are clean and unsticky.  The binders close right and are fresh and clean.  The students uniforms still have buttons, no stains and the zippers work.  The teachers might have a couple of new outfits not yet ruined by dirty hands. Everything, our hopes, our dreams, our exceptions, our rooms, our supplies, are clothes are fresh, clean,  and hopeful.

But the end of the year.  Oh the end of the year.

Whatever

*  The posters are ripped.  And hanging sideways.

Whatever

*  The markers are dried out and the lids don't match the colors.

Whatever

* The pencil is barely able to fit in our hands cuz they're so short and the eraser... what eraser?

Whatever

* The zipper on the uniform pants won't budge.  Just pin it with a safety pin or two.

Whatever

* This new shirt has a stain on it.  Whatever.  I got kindergarten lunch duty anyway.  Nothing I own is safe anyway.

Whatever

* Glue this down... What?  The glue is dry.  Ok... tape it down.  Wait.  I'm out of tape.  Whatever.  This was just a filler activity anyway.

Whatever

It's amazing the different between day 1 and day 187.  I always wonder what day is it specifically that we give up on.  Or maybe it's not a specific day.  Maybe it's an accumulation of events that makes up throw our hands in the air and say whatever.

But then the summer passes and we show up in August with fresh hopes, new, clean clothes, new supplies and we are ready to do it all over again.  Because we love our jobs.  We love our students. We love to learn.  We love to teach.  And thankfully we have forgotten that "whatever" feeling... until it shows back up at the end of the year.