Not Much

I don't feel like blogging today.  Not because I don't have anything to say.

I have a lot to say.

I just can't put it all out here on the world wide web for everyone and their dog to read.

I'm angry.  At a lot of people.  At the system.  At my choice (though at the time that choice was truly the best choice for me.  But now.  Now it doesn't seem that way).  At the choices I have before me now.  I don't like my options.  That makes me angry.

I'm angry with myself for being so angry.  The people don't know I'm angry.  The system doesn't know I'm angry.  I can't go back and make different choices.

So here I am.

I'm not an angry person.  I don't like feeling this way.  It's showing on my face at work.  A teacher who doesn't normally pick up on feelings asked me if I was ok.  In a note passed to me during a faculty meeting.  I felt like I was back in junior high trying to pass a note to a friend when the teacher wasn't looking. Ha!

I need to fix my face.  Fix my mood.  Fix my attitude.  But honestly.  I don't know how.

I'm trying to remember that I can find happiness if I only remember to turn on the light (Albus Dumbledore) but the light is dim and not brightening the dark every well.

Maybe I just haven't found a bright enough light.  I'm still flipping switches.  Or maybe I have and don't realize it.

Who knows.

All I know is that I'm angry.